Think about it!

by Jen Flippin, new contributor to this page! (Welcome, Jen. We're so glad you're taking time to join our conversation.)

Do you think about what you think about? Do your thoughts govern you or do you govern them?

Can I use govern as a verb? I’m pretty sure I can, but still...that’s a lot of questions all at once!

I don’t know about you, but I have stories I like to tell myself.
 Stories about how tired I am. Stories about how things aren’t going my way. Stories about how fat I think I am. Stories about people that have hurt me and how I deserve to think about the fact I’m hurt over and over. Stories I think about when I lie awake at night. Stories I like to roll around and around in my brain like a piece of hard, sour
candy on my tongue.

I’ve learned one thing about those stories: STOP THAT CRAP.

In Henderson the Rain King by Saul Bellow, Henderson’s large appetite for life, history of failed relationships, and advancing age leave him unable to silence an inner voice that whispers, “I want, I want, I want.” One bitterly cold morning, chopping wood, an errant log flies up and strikes
Henderson in the nose. Through torrents of bright red blood and exquisite pain, his mind clears and he realizes that “truth comes in blows.” Henderson sees in that moment that growth comes through chance and sometimes pain. He must deliberately put himself in harm’s way to find life’s answers.

Truth comes in blows. Or in my case, the occasional 2 x 4 upside my head. Several years ago, while going through a divorce, (people always use adjectives like painful divorce, like there could be a painless one) I was posed an important question: what do you think about all day? My answer? Not good stuff. I had to do things: go to work, clean the house, pay bills. I loved my daughter, but I didn’t like much else
about my life and I sure didn’t like myself. In fact, I sucked the life out of me. However, like Henderson the Rain King, as I shook off the keen pain of my breakup, I was awarded with an opportunity to view life
with newfound clarity.

In the past, I spent my days thinking about what I didn’t want rather than what I did want. I made a choice. I would tell myself a different story. What do I want? I want to go to work to build a meaningful career. Who am I? I am energetic. I am beautiful. I am intelligent. I am charismatic. I am always in the right place at the right time. I grew happier, felt sexier, made conscious decisions how to grow into the person I wanted to be, and began to accept the person I am.

Can I manage to do that all the time? Absolutely not. I still curse my perceived fate of long days and underappreciated efforts when the alarm rings. I berate myself when I reward a workout with Mexican food or fail to meet my budget again. Making the change to positive self-talk isn’t easy. Talkin’ smack about life is a habit that has to be broken over time. It takes focus, it takes practice, and it takes daily work.

Be mindful. Be honest. Maintain your sense of humor.

Talk to yourself like your best friend would talk to you: be kind, be supportive, and get over yourself.

Tell yourself a new story. It gets easier everyday.